So if you’re already well acquainted with the erotic world of pleasure products or if you’re just starting out exploring and you’ve become interested in using sex toys with your partner, there’s good reason for that. Has your relationship felt routine and mundane? Even boring, especially when it comes to passion and desire? And besides lack of passion, you feel like you’re spinning your wheels in the mud trying and the harder you try the more it seems hopeless to bring any spark back?
Well, you're not alone. thousands of couples feel the same way. Just the reasons why differ. Don’t lose hope yet, here's one solution that could help. Now, if your relationship is in trouble for reasons other than sex, some counseling or online education and programs can help. (This program in the link is excellent for married, cohabiting and long term couples. It totally gives you a new perspective when what you’ve been doing just isn’t working).
5 Best tips on introducing sex toys into your bedroom
2. Talk about using a sex toy: Now that you've broke the ice and are both feeling more comfortable about the topic of sex, the time has come to discuss the idea of bringing a bonus in between the sheets. Yes, a sex toy! It's important to discuss this first with your partner because it's not respectful or acceptable without consent first to just grab a butt plug from your night stand and hope your partner is into it as well. It could freak your partner out and make them feel pressured for something they may not be ready for and ruin the mood.
3. Be on the same page when it comes to sex toy selection: Whenever two people think they are on the same page when it comes to ideas, usually imaginations and fantasies differ. You may be imagining a hot, erotic squirting dildo thrusting your body with the perfect precision to hit your g-spot and your partner may be thinking handcuffs and a costume for intense role play.
Enjoy the experience together. Watch your partners body language and expressions for signs they may like something and may even be too embarrassed to admit at first. Go off their cues and show interest in what they’re looking at or suggesting. And they should do the same for you. A strong sexual bond between two people along with a solid emotional connection is usually a recipe for a good relationship. One where you can both be free to express yourselves without fear of judgement. Where you can experiment and fulfill each others desires. That my friends is a fantastic definition of total passionate bliss. And one that’s hoped for by so many and sometimes so hard to achieve. But it doesn’t have to be. Especially with the tips and tools your getting here to get you started.
4. Get familiar with your new toy: Now that you’ve both purchased your new sex toy, it’s time to learn about it and get familiar with how it works. There’s nothing worse than being in the middle of the moment and you can’t find the “on” button. If this is your first time and you’re both a bit shy or feeling awkward and embarrassed, it’s okay and perfectly normal. You’re both exploring uncharted territory. It can be intimidating, embarrassing but also fun. It’s like riding a bike for the first time. You may both worry about physical comfort during use or feeling awkward about admitting to actually liking it.
So, as you open the package in anticipation, it can be helpful to have some light, fun conversation or banter about the fantasies your having about what’s to come next. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you want them to do with it and ask for their feedback as well. Your imaginations will be running wild and this is also the mental part of foreplay. But I can’t stress enough to learn how it works to avoid interrupting the moment to read the instruction manual.
5. Check in with each other after and keep it up: It's important for you both to check in after sex about the toy and respect the feedback. And as the saying goes, "if you don't use it, you lose it." It's important to keep up the dynamic of conversing freely about anything in your relationship not just sex. when discussing what sex was like bringing a toy into the mix, talk about what went well, likes and dislikes and what else you would both like to experience in the future together. There's a learning curve with sex toys and there's so many choices to discover what works best for you both. If you struck out the first time and this was not the sex toy you expected, don't give up. Get back on the saddle and try again. You may even find trying the same toy again on a different body part, with a different lube or over your clothes can feel differently. Even try it solo to see what feels good for you so you can fill your partner in for the next time your in between the sheets.
- First and foremost, have a discussion about sex to get comfortable and set the stage for sex toy talk.
- Decide what types of toys you would both like to try by exploring your options.
- Get on the same page.
- Learn how your new toy works before using it.
- Get feedback about your experience and keep the dynamic going.
- Take note of what you did and did not like about your toy and if you're confused reach out to a sex educator or sex shop employee for advice.
I hoped this article was informative and helpful to bring out your confidence and try something new. I’ve provided helpful links to describe and suggest most liked products to make your selection easier. For skilled toy users it may be more simple but with each new partner there’s still the challenge of getting on the same page about sexual fantasy and fulfillment. For beginners, it can be scary, awkward and embarrassing to be vulnerable and open to conversations about sex toys or just sex in general. We can sometimes fear our partner rejecting us and feeling foolish. If this happened it’s going to be ok. Just keep trying to have better fulfillment in your relationship whether it’s sexual or otherwise.
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Best of luck to you my friends!
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